I am scared

Normally I write about my current weight loss and what is going on now. But in order to explain now, I have to explain the injury that started it all.

I had recently graduated culinary school, was living in
Chicago, and was eeking out an existence as a cashier at America’s Dog at Navy Pier. I had been a supervisor at another location, but when it closed I couldn’t find another job and cashier was the only thing available.

It was December 28th and I was about to start doing dishes. I had filled the washing sink with hot soapy water. The “cooks” had been throwing the greasy dishes in the water though and it had splashed all over the floor and on their stack of broken down boxes. As I tried to was a long cutting board, I slipped and fell onto a metal container. That night I torn a ligament and some cartilage in my left wrist. I am left handed.

Fast forward 3 weeks. The doctor I was assigned to by the hospital, luckily the head of the orthopedic department, is telling me my test results. I now know what is wrong with me. He is telling my I will need surgeries and pins and it will take months to heal. But I am broke. I can’t work and I can’t get assistance. Worker’s Comp is taking too long to process my injury. I have to move home. This is at the end of January.

My surgery doesn’t take place until April 10th. It took that long for the new doctor to agree to the diagnosis and Worker’s Comp to agree to pay for it. Luckily, it is mostly repaired so it surgery is less intense- but he is removing part of my bone. He says one of my bones is too big and that’s why the injury is so bad. It takes months to heal and I only regain about 80% usage back.

But now, both of my forearms are weak. My wrists have to be popped at least every 15 minutes or they hurt. My left hand will hurt if I pinch or squeeze anything to hard. I feel weak.

I have dealt with this and have been trying to push past/ around it. I tell myself that this story is now an excuse I’m using for not being healthier. It had worked until last night. I was cutting up fresh pineapple and my thumb, index, and middle finger kept getting pins and needles numb when I would grip the knife even moderately tightly or correctly. This is important because this pain is new. I haven’t felt it before.

The general pain/tired of my left hand and wrist had increased slightly because I was typing more at work. Today it was enough to stop me a few times.

I am scared that I will be 35 or 40 and my arms be as weak as an 80yr old woman.

I am scared I will have to quit working.

I am scared because there isn’t a doctor I trust with the expertise to handle it.

I’m scared because this may stop me from being fit.

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About taureanfreak

I am a 29 year old working in a job I love. I have a host of physical ailments from injuries- seriously, I'm like an old woman. I am trying to find happiness by changing what I do in life. Mostly that entails eating better and moving more. I also love learning for the sake of learning. The quote below is from Lord of the Rings and sums up how I feel. "What more do you want to know?" "The names of all the stars, and of all living things, and the whole history of Middle-Earth, and Over-heaven, and of the Sundering Seas. Of course! What else?" -The Two Towers
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